What am I?

                I will never measure up to the fantasy girl you keep in your minds eye.  Shes beautiful, smart, sexy, and she'd die to be by your side. she's the kind of girl drugs didn't ruin. she's the type of lady whom doesn't get in fist fights, but could handle herself if she did. she's the type of mom, every child needs. she is the kind of wife you seek, when you get home from work she'll rub your feet, and have a 5 course dinner hot and ready. She could never stand the thought of another man Since you tamed her. You're her savor, with out your love and motivation she'd be a goner. You're the gift that keeps on giving - a love like no other, a beautiful daughter, hope for a drug free life with you, and you alone.

                And what am i? you paint her so perfectly in your minds eye, and you've used her left over paints to paint a sloppy, insulting rendition of me. I had to beg, plea, kick and scream just to get that rendition. Yet in this rendition I've become like an old , forgotten, worn, pair shoes that you you keep in the back of the closet. Buried under other forgotten pieces of your life. I'm your in case of emergency shoes, in case your new shoes should be dirty or out of commission. I am there so you feel safe, a safety net, you love catalyst. why choose one pair when you could have both? No sense in that.

                You give good men a bad name, and you give love a run for its money. You are not what you claim to be in any sense of the word. Although you paint her so beautifully, her painting is also only left over paints. Your minds eye wasted all the good paints on an image of yourself. You will never be half the man, you have pictured in your head. Your lies pave the streets you walk on, and your losses are woven into the plant life of the world you surround yourself in. Possibly i am one of those losses, but the way you talk, your world isn't lost with out me. I was nothing but a trial, that you over came.

                Who am I?I am your wife, but only on paper. I am Jessica James. I am the wife you left in the dust, I am the women who stood by your side when we took a vow to love, honor, and obey - Until death do we part. Your right in assuming i did not take those vows seriously. I took those vows, and i shoved them into toilet, i flushed them down into the sewer of all the other failures i would make from that day forth. I may be a lot of things, i may have wronged a lot of ways. I deserve your respect, because i over came the state you left me in. And i will continue to climb, and just like every other addiction, i will over come you. Its just a matter of time, i cant allow you to break my heart anymore than you have already done. I don't deserve it in my present life, and the girl who did deserve it, you killed.  When you said that fantasy in your mind was better than she could aspire to be. Mrs.jack died of an overdose, may her soul haunt your every heart beat. And in the future one day, maybe you will be able to throw those mental paintings out, and see reality.

-Jessi J

Philosophy Of A Borderline by Jessi James is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at jamesborderline.blogspot.com