Note to self:

Dear Self,

    Day in and day out I've tried expressing myself. I stand before all of you naked, nothing to hide. i still feel like i havent found the right wording, the right expression. Like i have to force everyone to read my pieces, and even still the blank un-understanding stare glazes your eyes.

    I went from writing educated pieces, to narcissistic rants about my own pitiful existence. Maybe its not you whom needs to understand me, but maybe i need to understand myself. That seems like the logical summer. Maybe no one can understand me, or my work, because I'm a fog. A fog of mystery, even to myself.
     Until i am in a stable environment, and am on a path, i will be separating many different directions. so therefore i am undefinable, lost in the cracks if you will. Its a dangerous torture I've been wallowing in. I've been struggling to stay where i am, and not moving forward. I'm like a nomad in my own mind, torturing myself. It's a scary place, and this has to end.

-Jessi James

P.S. Don't live by W.W.T.D standards - you've seen where that road leads. You know what i mean. Stop worrying about people who don't worry back, stop intoxicating yourself to pass the time. Let go of the painful people, and there wont be anything to numb. You chose to be where you are, so let go of the pity party, its getting old. Your getting older, and you need to snap out of this infantile stage. Things aren't just going to happen for you, while you drink away your life. But if you want a W.W.T.D. kind of existence, your already there. Hows it feel?? are you happy? fulfilled?? Now get your shit together, and get on the path your supposed to be on. Or stay here, and kiss it all goodbye.




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Based on a work at jamesborderline.blogspot.com

i wish i could lay down beside you, when the day is done.

Unfairness is everywhere - people judge on the shallowest of characteristics. The consequences of our words are painful internal scars. My insides are full of them, i numbed myself for so long, i guess i didn't realize how many deep internal lacerations i had accumulated.
Most of my scars i created, from self abuse, allowing the wrong people near me, and karma. a perfect analogy for me - "seeing a spider web, and walking directly into it." Of all the wrong I've tried to correct, i deserve some back. My battle wounds couldn't stop me from devouring my helping of karma's cold revenge. I cant run around doing what I've done and then wonder why my life is shit. I know all too well why it is.
I remember every deed, every sin, and every mistake I've ever encored in my life. The bodily pain i endure on a daily basis makes it hard to forget. So do i use drugs and alcohol to escape? Wouldn't you?? I punish myself for all the wrong I've committed, i do not need you or anyone Else's judgement, help, input, advice, or criticism. You words don't affect me anyway, there is nothing you can say i haven't said to myself. I do it so harshly that your words are like rose pedals falling from heaven. Instead of getting upset , i welcome your insults with a smile; Knowing your mind is too small to ever wrap around me. -Jessi J




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The repent of six our father's -

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

I don't operate on the highest levels any longer. I know my actions aren't always wise or right - but sometimes that's all i can muster up to give. I live too fast, like any moment could be my last.

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

Like a moth to a flame, I'm drawn to this pain. I'm just not strong enough to live any other way anymore. Life has taken its toll on me, i no longer can see clearly.

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

I look into the eyes around me, all i see is their pity, and shame. Its a shame to burn out so young, when for most life has only just begun.

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

i feel the burn in the back of my throat, that's when i know your close. The devils got me in his sights. His breath is intoxicating.

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

I'm sorry i cant hold myself on higher regard. I'm sorry i don't carry a higher standard. I'm sorry i don't do as they would in heaven.

Our Father, which art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy will be done in earth,
As it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive them that trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom,

The power, and the glory,

For ever and ever.

Amen.

WOULD YOU LOOK WHAT THIS HELL'S DONE TO ME!

-Jessi James



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Based on a work at jamesborderline.blogspot.com

Just enough time



I've had just enough time, enough time to see beauty, enough time to give my heart away, enough time to hurt, enough time to learn, enough time to feel insignificant. Should god reach down for me - Do not cry, Do not mourn, Do not regret. We all have our own time, i spent all mine - Hopelessly squandered away on romantic wings, on music, and on party games. But I've had enough time to understand - Not to regret a lost moment, or any moment of good, it was worth all the bad it carried. Bad came from good, good came from bad. The time of something more to believe in ended, just ask my  scared bruised past possession of an organ that once was my heart. I pressed on through the hardest moments, i blew through the best moments, there will be a tomorrow, but should a day come where i do not awaken to the sunrise, know that i used my time to my own design.  and that you'll never be alone, where a false smile paints a face, i will be there to guide you.I'll guide you through my own tears, and I'll walk you through your own worst fears.

Love,
Jessi James



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Eyes wide open, & can't see..



The past is gone, and its not coming back. Normal people embrace change, and continue to look forward; Me? I continue to be facing backwards, arms stretched. I am trying to regress, to a time of security maybe? A time of certainty, and happiness. A way to go back and redo my life. erase the mistakes I've made. Rebel in the family life again. Its not completely selfish, my going back benefits more than just me. My making mistakes, would benefit masses, and people close to me. It may have prevented a lot of terrible goings on, that have occurred present day.
Maybe myself medicating led to this feeling. As if because i numbed myself, and was absent, that i feel like i missed out on my own life; so i am struggling backwards to regain a past i abused. If i knew where that life would have led me, I wouldn't have been trying to escape the life i had then. I was convinced i was miserable then, but my past had nothing (misery-wise) on my present day circumstances.
I have become preoccupied with Death and dying since my OD. i was writing a piece about writers, painters, singers, people of creative means, and their habit to be depressed, and commit suicide, and (or) have drug addiction(s). I began to search, and had to stop the piece because i identified to closely to Sylvia Plath, whom wrote an auto-biography that details her OD on sleeping pills. She separated with her spouse due to infidelity, had yet and another suicide attempt in the car. Years later she feared for her own safety when she was alone, and in the end, she was right. She took her own life at age of 30, by gas from a stove. Leaving bread and milk out for her two small children, whom were sealed in their rooms with a window opened to protect them. She was found the next day, head on a towel in the oven.
Her poetry, although morbid, and depressive, is similar. Her journals published in 2000 are of similar stature to my own. This scares me, i scare me sometimes. But the one difference is, i see no advantage to death, or life. I am feeling dissociative, unrelated to the human kind, and often puzzled as to the point in many things.
Having seen the error of my ways, means i have the power to correct them.
-Jessi James



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Caution: ants on pavement

Grasp my heart with in your hands,
sugar on pavement attracts ants.
massage the shallow heart beats of my wounded heart,
sweet gentle tingles as the ants parade across your body.
Slay my heart with in your hands,
magnifying glass in the sun.
Rejoice as the last beat fades from my heart,
Smirk as the ants number dwindle.
Drop my petrified black heart,
gashing bare feet upon the pavement.
Playfully kicking the petrified shards,
mush the remnants where the lifeless ants bodies Layne.
petrified dust blows, of a heart you once nurtured.

-Jessi J



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Vdo Support Dedicated in memory of Debra Jacobs

I came across a group of women, who's hearts all belong to the same man. The man thats tall dark and handsome, the man of many skins, a character acter. I found it odd how close we all got so quickly, and how genuine they were in their care for one another. Any problem and they are all there behind you. Suddenly i realized this wasnt really a group for the actor, Vincent D'onofrio, this was a family of women, united by one common attraction. What was about this man, that brought together all of these women, and myself. How is it possible women who are attracted to the same man, could all get along so well? Why did we all understand eachother beyond words?

Vincent Donofrio "VDO" as the ladies call him was born in 59" to a nice italian family in brooklyn. he stands at six foot four inches. He is called a character actor for the simple fact he as taken a wide veriety of roles, and seems to fit in about any role he does. He really lends himself to the role. His most known roles would be on Full Metal Jacket where he played pvt.Pyle, And Law and Order Criminal intent as det. Robert Goren.

The stories of how the women became part of the group are usually the same. They noticed him in movie, or show, and began to slowly develop a crush on him. Upon looking him up, they came across specific fan's with blogs, and groups online. There is an entire world with in the D'onofrio fans. An entire family of women, who will all be close, sharing every triumph and fail until their dying die.

Personally I have found more support with in this group of fans, than in any other support group i have joined. The women are kind, caring, supportive, and most of all non judgmental. They quickly became part of my everyday routine, not to see Vincent nessisarily, but it like checking in with family. We keep tabs on each other, joke around, share helpful tips, and of course the mutual photo commenting.

Still there must be something to the reason we all get along so well, and it cannot be just the mutual attraction. Vincent has a presentation that suggests he isnt pretty. he has rugged good looks, saying i've been through some rough times, and i need someone who understands me. I know personally, he has this attitude that strikes something familiar in my mind. He stands taller than all of the women in the group, maybe we all seek safety in his arms. I don't think i will ever pin point a reason we all came together, But i am thankful for them everyday. I am especially greatful for having been accepted into the group, and as a facet member i enjoy meeting new ladies just joining the group. I have yet to meet one that has been rude, mean, ugly, lying, stealing, general back stabbing, I hope i never do. Something about the man draws in the best group of women, in my experience.

I originally wrote a piece about this several months ago, but due to computer failures this has been rewritten. It is dedicated in loving memory of Debra Jacobs May she walk with angels guided wings, on the notes of the lords songs. She was born April, 17, 1951 a resident of Sunny Florida, and native of Maryland. She died Feb,13, 2012 of complications from pneumonia. A long standing memory of the Vdo society, and will be missed.

-Jessi J

In addition here are a few links to some great sites, thanks Bev!

Velocity of Vincent Blog

The Valentine Cat Blog

Life and Vincent Blog

The Reel Blog - By Chris

Blue Velvet Vincent D'Onofrio Blog <3

Carol's Fan Fic

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What am I?

                I will never measure up to the fantasy girl you keep in your minds eye.  Shes beautiful, smart, sexy, and she'd die to be by your side. she's the kind of girl drugs didn't ruin. she's the type of lady whom doesn't get in fist fights, but could handle herself if she did. she's the type of mom, every child needs. she is the kind of wife you seek, when you get home from work she'll rub your feet, and have a 5 course dinner hot and ready. She could never stand the thought of another man Since you tamed her. You're her savor, with out your love and motivation she'd be a goner. You're the gift that keeps on giving - a love like no other, a beautiful daughter, hope for a drug free life with you, and you alone.

                And what am i? you paint her so perfectly in your minds eye, and you've used her left over paints to paint a sloppy, insulting rendition of me. I had to beg, plea, kick and scream just to get that rendition. Yet in this rendition I've become like an old , forgotten, worn, pair shoes that you you keep in the back of the closet. Buried under other forgotten pieces of your life. I'm your in case of emergency shoes, in case your new shoes should be dirty or out of commission. I am there so you feel safe, a safety net, you love catalyst. why choose one pair when you could have both? No sense in that.

                You give good men a bad name, and you give love a run for its money. You are not what you claim to be in any sense of the word. Although you paint her so beautifully, her painting is also only left over paints. Your minds eye wasted all the good paints on an image of yourself. You will never be half the man, you have pictured in your head. Your lies pave the streets you walk on, and your losses are woven into the plant life of the world you surround yourself in. Possibly i am one of those losses, but the way you talk, your world isn't lost with out me. I was nothing but a trial, that you over came.

                Who am I?I am your wife, but only on paper. I am Jessica James. I am the wife you left in the dust, I am the women who stood by your side when we took a vow to love, honor, and obey - Until death do we part. Your right in assuming i did not take those vows seriously. I took those vows, and i shoved them into toilet, i flushed them down into the sewer of all the other failures i would make from that day forth. I may be a lot of things, i may have wronged a lot of ways. I deserve your respect, because i over came the state you left me in. And i will continue to climb, and just like every other addiction, i will over come you. Its just a matter of time, i cant allow you to break my heart anymore than you have already done. I don't deserve it in my present life, and the girl who did deserve it, you killed.  When you said that fantasy in your mind was better than she could aspire to be. Mrs.jack died of an overdose, may her soul haunt your every heart beat. And in the future one day, maybe you will be able to throw those mental paintings out, and see reality.

-Jessi J

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Poems

I mind:

Angels and demons lounge together.
one hopes for bad, the other for better.
lying snakes, tempting with grins.
walking next to us, our own skeletons.
lined with dead ends, and hidden doors.
a place where our broken dreams paved the floors.
reality becomes unrealistic, im stuck in a hole.
dig down deep now, i am an emotional mole.
here i am again, lost in my mind.
i find myself stuck here, time after time.
-Jessi J

Death By Kiss:

The trouble is..
You've brought back a memory,
That still hurts deep inside of me.
Locked away..
Unspoken of, in a box.
But you opened it today,
And the memories wash over me.
Suffocating in depth..
A prison of invibility binds me.
My masquerade has broken, like a knife in my heart,
So consumed not a word was spoken.
Why did you come back,
Just to reopen wounds.
And cover the lights in black.
Snuff my candle as i lay,
Awaiting a bitter sweet end.
Anxiously i lay in wait for this day.
Breaking ties, letting go, falling.
As i fall into the abyss.
Like fair romeo lip to lip.
A poision lingers in you, Death by kiss.
-Jessi J

Angel:

Be my angel..
Be my angel of mercy.
Take this pain away.
Memories of yesterday.
Wrap your wings around me.
Hold me tight while you set me free.
Embrace me, Release me.
Tied to tide, Ashes to fire.
Angel please take me higher.
I know you will bare the light.
Grant me my mercy.
Grant me understanding and sight.
Angel, just grant me freedom tonight.
-Jessi J

A list:

my hearts just a whalin' in my chest
as my mind reels with out any rest
I didnt hold you souly responsible
i knew what the end result would be
i just didnt want to think you were capable
excuse me, husband, may i have a minute
to tell you about how you tore me out
pardon me, sir, if i come undone with it
"but we all go a little crazy sometimes"
once i speak my pe4ace will you be able to cope
with out lost dreams, and false hopes
i want to scream obscenities in your face
I want to r4each in your chest and break your heart
i want to turn you on then kick you out
i want to loose it all - all over you
but these are just a list of things i want to do
not because i miss you or that i care
but i wont act them out, cuz im better than you
just a small thought i wanted to share
karma has come and gone by, and ill learn to forgive
but where will you be when we meet again?
-Jessi J

I Want Out:

i smoke these cigarettes, i smoke a pack a day.
people say it will kill me, but ill smoke em anyway.
im trapped in these 4 walls, with no windows or doors NO Way Out,
ive begged and plea'd for help, theres nothing left of me, i WANT OUT.

the depression is darkening and consumin, its taken over my world and life.
til i no longer feel human', reality has become unreal.
the darkness courses through my veins, the pain is damning and my mind unable to heal.
how do i get myself free, my veins course to my heart.
the darkness has taken my future from me, I WANT OUT

one shot turned into a life time, its robbed me of happiness and family, im a prisoner in my own mind.
now my comedy has turned to tragedy.. I WANT OUT!

with all the things in this world, ive found nothing is as it seems. ive got no love from anyone or myself.
the only good ive found is in my dreams, how can something so good be so bad.
one hit has shoved me to me down and again and again, its shocked me to my core and taken all i had.
i didnt think think twice for i let it all go. now days im sorry i let everyone down.
ive begun to feel im trapped in a hole, if i could go back - i'd have left this town.

everyone says my life's gonna kill me, death will not be the reason i change.
death is the only thing to set me free.
free from burdons i bare, free me from this hell i cant overcome..
ILL GET OUT!!!!
this is really old, but i figured it went with the sheme of things lately. do not misunderstand its meaning.
-Jessi J

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Bounce back Apple Jack, Give the Dog A bone, & tell him to go home.

As humans we go through different phases of love, we seek parental love, friend love, romantic love, then our love sight shifts to our children. Raising our children, and suddenly romance isn’t as important.

Children may be resilient, but there is no substitute for a fathers love. A father who deny's thy child the most basic interaction and parental guidance; will rue the day. They will rue the day when that child takes out their wrath, they will also rue the day when they realize that the most magical gift in life has been removed. There is no starting over in life, and you cannot put off till tomorrow things that were due yesterday. By the time you realize what you have missed it will be too late to render. A father who would prefer to waste time on unsustainable miniscule past times such as drugs, alcohol, womanizing, video games, sports; instead of slowing down to enjoy the short childhood of their child, in turn neglects themselves of they own achievement.

                The child will unconsciously cry out, if left untended they will develop psychological disorders; and it’s a safe bet for you to make, that they will seek revenge, consciously or unconsciously. If a child extends their hand to guide, walks step by step by your side, why would anyone deny that? You're stealing the most important thing - their innocence. Innocence only lasts as long as the child is sheltered/ unexposed to the harsh, cold, cruel reality of life/adulthood.

                Adults have an entire lifetime to be hurt, scared, lost, jaded, or broken down. We don’t need to experience that any sooner than we need to. Feed a child’s fantasy, nurture their imagination, protect their senses from toxins, and guard their inexperienced purity, as you would have guarded your own. It's the biggest treasure we're given in life, without purity and innocence i am not sure we as conscious humans, would have the momentum to live a long life.

                Purity is given upon conception, it’s fleeting and fragile. Allowing magic to seem visible, every day is a winding road; adventures hold no bounds, hardships unknown, and dangers untold. The stronger our purity remains, the better chance we have of leading a happy, productive life. This isn’t to say those whom keep intact will always have a better life, just as it’s not to say those whom do not will be incapable. Just a higher success rate is with those whom kept their innocence and purity strong within themselves.

                Children need parental bonds; it’s an important part of development. That does not mean that a single parent cannot raise a strong, resilient child, because they can. Resilience is being able to take a blow, and keep going because you have been distilled with capacity to cope. Feeling confident and sure in your actions, as well as competent in life, in endeavors, And in happiness. A two parent home will not be what saves your child, just as a one parent home will not be what damns your child. Children are subject to significant adversity, or trauma, excessive pressures or stresses; they have to be taught how to deal with the blows as they come, and keep on moving.

                How can you help your child find these skills, and be resilient? First off do not constantly put pressure on yourself, and second guess your initial feeling. You must be a strong influence, even more so for a single parent. Anyone involved in a child’s life, must be an influence you must want distilled in your child. They absorb everything, they hear everything, and they understand far more than one might think. Second, bad things happen, so do not think you have failed because of one bad mistake. The skills come in handy here, because everyone gets behind, or falls down, it’s important for a child to see that you can stand back up, not to deny you fell. Don't ice over the bad, because the bad is real, you don’t want the child to fear any mistake coming. Just allow them to see that it’s not the end of the world, and that tomorrow is a brand-new day.

                Robert Brooks, Ph.D., and Sam Goldstein, Ph.D. have compiled a few things to help you along your journey as a parent. Remember parenting isn’t as simple as it seems here in black in white; don’t get over whelmed by it. Click Here for Further steps outside my blog.

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Why Do Bad Things Happen? There is a reason.

I swear for just a moment, i caught a glimpse of myself the way i see myself inside. All the things i want to be. Reflecting from a mirror looking at me.

Living alone in this big ole brain is lonely. The image i have created of the perfect me, doesn't seem so perfect when she is starring back at me. If everything went right, every wish came true, every goal was met, everything was customized to suit; and yeah, that girl i see is lonely. Trapped in a world with no passion, no drive, no flaws. its become a repetitive motion, based solely upon repetitive motion. Awaking everyday to the very same. No wrongs ever occur, no lessons learned,. The sky is always blue, rain never touched her face, snow melted on her nose, leaves never fell to pile, the grass never grew. No lovers quarrels, drove her to seek the right fit. no sports filled living rooms on Sunday, because no teams lost. There was no news, because there were no emergencies, no death, no crime, nothing ever happened at all. No celebrities, because everyone was a super model, sang beautifully, could act, no one ever had to learn a new trait because no failed at anything. No one ever had to take time to enjoy the perfect, because every moment was perfect. No one had to even strive for love, because it was always with in. If this world sounds perfect to you, then you are truly blind to the highest of joys. You've never had a far enough down, to show you to appreciate the high. You've rushed through every moment, because you had no height to aspire to. Creativity would not be possible with out something to express. In fact if we hadn't had that argument, i wouldn't have been creative enough to write this. Thus proving two things: 1: if nothing bad happened, there would be no good. With out the bad, there is nothing but a blank slate. 2: that my hardships are my gains. Instead of using the negativity people bestow upon me, to harbor hatred; i take it, and i mold it into a creative lesson to bestow in hopes other will not be negative when they face a lesson.


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21 grams

For every scientific accomplishment we have made, there is an equal and opposite scientific burden we have uncovered. Everything has a counter part, an opposite of equal value, doing the opposite action. We can prove, show, and fully understand how life starts. Simple enough, even our young know the solution to that problem. But no scientist, or human can tell what happens after death. We clarify death as our bodies no longer operating. Brain shuts down, no signals sent or received, hearts no longer palpitate, no blood circulating there fore rendering our organs powerless. Life can only be created one way(sperm and an egg.) Death can happen any number of ways. That unknown and unexplainable part that makes us, "Us" is our soul.

There are so many puzzling questions i have:

What happens to our minds, things we know or learned when we die? Are they only attached to the brain, or does the soul retain some of that? What do coma patients experience while in a vegetative state? Is it possible that is where we go when we die? That even though we are dead that place still exists? Maybe that dream state, isn't really within us, its part of something else entirely. Who can even tell if the white light is real or just hear say. Or maybe the white light is like a birth. we're inside the womb, awaiting delivery, and the white light is the new life we are about to embark on. Those are topics known as Metaphysics - Where notions and philosophy meet science.

                  Dr.MacDougall

Those are questions science cannot answer me, but i think its something we all think about. What i can offer you is some data from Dr.MacDougall, which i believe should in some way answer a tiny portion of your questions. His studies into whether or not he could prove there is a soul within us, and if he could calculate a weight to prove it. He had 6 patients of terminal illnesses, and 15 dogs. He created a very touchy scale bed for his patients, and he kept them as comfortable as possible in their final hour. I will not be retelling their stories and it seemed a bit dark for this topic. Patient one- the moment they expired there was a sudden loss of three fourths of an ounce. Patient 2- lost half an ounce. patient 3- lost half an ounce, and later 1 more extra ounce. patient 4- was unable to be measured. patient 5- three eighths of an ounce simultaneously. Patient 6- results were unable to be measured. Of the 15 dogs he attempted to measure, there was no change in weight. His belief was, animals have no souls. Of all his studies, he determined that the soul's weight was 21 grams, approximately 4 nickels. That has no explanation surrounding where the weight went in any of the cases despite many's efforts. They all did lose weight due to sweat and evaporation. roughly an ounce per hour, it was very slow. Any bowel movements would not matter as they would still have remained on the bed. he reported that the loss was very sudden and very extreme compared to previous weight loss. which again was one ounce over 60 minutes. 21grams in a second, simultaneous to the patients expiration.

What you take from his workings, is up to you. As i have stated at the very beginning of this project, life is perception. Just remember yours is yours, and no one Else's. I know there is a lot of controversy surrounding this topic and study, and the point of view i am taking is Facts don't lie. The controversy surrounding this topic is nothing new. Religion vs. science - and there are some who see both sides, but a good majority pick one side or the other and refuse to see the grey between the white and black lines.

It does amaze me how something so major can be so weightless. But in the same sense, A thought is weightless, but it still exists. The weight isn't the point of the experiment, its the proof that there is something more to us. And i know religious people will think us Atheist's for the study. The way i see it, science is reassuring us that there is more than meets the eye. But no matter what i say, its your perception you'll walk away with. I will end this with a quote most befitting, "life is eternal and love is immortal; and death is only a horizon, And a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight." by Rossiter W. Raymond. Some mysteries just aren't meant to be solved. The answers will be there when the time is right, and is that not the point?

-Jessi J

Philosophy Of A Borderline by Jessi James is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at jamesborderline.blogspot.com.

Soul Mate's

We live in a society that tells us there is only one perfect match for us in the entire existence of man kind. One "soul mate" and that fate will bring them to us. Does this sound like a fairy tale to anyone else? There is no prince charming, there is no guarantee that you will fall in love, and be loved in return. Embedding us with the idea, that there is only one mate for us; puts added pressure in an already unstable world. "Will i find my soul mate?" or "did i miss my soul mate?" even "the love of my life died unexpectedly, will there be another soul mate for me in my life time?" Those are pretty big questions, a lot of strings attached, mainly to one's heart strings.
Theoretically its improbable that there's is only one perfect match in the world. Even as your reading this, there is someone out there thinking the same thought you are at this very moment. Are they your soul mate? They may live a world away, and you may never meet them. It doesn't mean you've missed your soul mate. That's why there is a billion dollar industry surrounding dating sights. People fear with out them, they will never find that soul mate. Psychic's also are big in the "match making" game. Not so much as bringing two people together, but rather reassuring you that your life holds meaning and you will find someone.
Statistically there are many suitable counter parts out there for each person. The hardest part is finding them. The oddest part about affairs of the heart and human nature is: The hunt is often sweeter than the kill. We fight tooth and nail to find that perfect person to settle down and procreate with, yet often enough once we have them and are stable we miss the hunt. We no longer deem our prince/princess charming worthy. Finding passion for something that's perpetually out of reach.
So although women are made to believe they are no whole with out a partner and a child, its simple ludicrous. There are many tasks and lessons to be learned - before one can stand as a pair. If one doth not know thy self, how an thy self be true? Life is hard, no matter what you have or don't have. Its supposed to be, if it was always smooth sailing there would be no sense of fulfillment. Nothing would be anything, and the world would seem topsi turvey, value would be lost. Treasure every aching moment of existence, because that's the true value, and its fleeting fast....
-Jessi J


Philosophy Of A Borderline by Jessi James is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at jamesborderline.blogspot.com